meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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