next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
