shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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