I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Alive.
So much puke
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
