Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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