dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
