I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
