apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
