We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
