Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
