great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
