it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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