but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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