listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize