I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
