She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
