I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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