Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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