It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
