I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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