They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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