you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
