Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
