i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
