Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
