What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
