What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize