Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The power of my boobs compel you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
