You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
