New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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