Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
