she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Green mimosas i think yes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
