Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
