Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
