Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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