On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
