made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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