I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
