I'm so fucking centered right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
