and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
