I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize