I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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