you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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