I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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