He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
