I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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