i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
