Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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