Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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