i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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