***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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