Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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