Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
