my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
