She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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