Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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