remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
