Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
