then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
