My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
