After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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