I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
