Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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