Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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