Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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