he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
